A Year In A Life : Finding Peace

I probably should have written this blog post in the last few days of 2025, but as life would have it, I was still processing…

For more than a decade, whenever I prepare for the new year, I embark on a fairly lengthy process of reviewing my year, its high and low points, and drawing whatever lessons I can from them to pour into the new year. More than New Year’s Resolutions, Life Resolutions were born, as they were based on a vision for myself that would carry me way beyond the next 365 days. Over the years, the number of insights I have gained and my whole approach to planning my year have evolved so much that I no longer speak of Life Resolutions but of a Life Manifesto. That said, when I look back at 2025, the word “survival” comes to mind. I made it through. The year was less emotionally charged than the preceding year, but it still tried my nerves. Badly. Still, it was a year when many of 2024’s chaotic emotions settled.  Amidst some pretty rough challenges, some positive things happened and balanced things out, so that my heart could sit quietly for a moment and be grateful.

One of the positive events was that we moved out of a toxic environment in Queens, New York, in February and moved to a much quieter and more secure neighborhood in an excellent school district. When small children are involved, this becomes an important consideration. A wonderful surprise was realizing at Springtime that the bare tree on our front lawn when we moved in was none other than a beautiful cherry blossom tree! I have very often admired these glorious trees on lawns in neighborhoods outside of our own, wishing that there was at least one nearby that I could feast my eyes on. Needless to say, I visited our tree every single day that it was in bloom, stood under it in awe, and took countless pictures of it. I felt so blessed, and that magical feeling carried me a long way into the year, long after the blooms were gone…

I couldn’t have asked for a more wonderful gift than that glorious cherry blossom tree on our very own lawn!

Unlike 2024’s emotional rollercoaster, this past year has been one where I’ve begun to find peace again and feel more in control of my life as I embraced some concepts that were relatively new to me.  That “enlightenment,” however, did not come early in the year. January brought a major shock to my nervous system: a decision to shut down USAID. And just like that, my job was gone. Overnight. I sank deeper into feelings of a “trop-plein” or overwhelm. My solvency took a mortal hit as I plunged into further financial debt, a continuation of the impact of the political turmoil and the raging violence back home in Haiti, which made it extremely challenging for the USAID-funded project I worked for to operate. I navigated through an emotional rollercoaster, dealing with feelings of resentment at the loss of my financial independence, and managing the self-flagellation, regrets, and feelings of shame and reliance on others that came with it. I felt as if I had lost control of my life.

Still, I kept my chin up, pouring my heart and energy into building Second Wind, an awesome online business I started a couple of years before to support women who are empty nesters and are finding new purpose by reconnecting with their passions and dreams and putting joy back in their lives after the kids have left the nest. After all, I, too, was pursuing a passion. But much of the anger I was feeling, coupled with the frustrations of the continuous imposition on my time during this new chapter of my life, came off as irritability toward my little grandsons. That is when I realized I needed to shift my mindset and manage my emotions better. That led to the emergence of my poem, “Rage.” I call it emergence, because it wasn’t planned. I wasn’t trying to write a poem. It just came to me in the middle of the night, woke me up, and prompted me to write, half-blinded by sleep and a pair of crooked glasses. That has been my creative process lately.

“Rage,” published as part of my previous blog post, A Story For Another Day, was meant as a release from the chains of anger I feel are a part of my ancestral heritage. Or one would say, ancestral bondage. And in writing it, I realized that I am not my ancestors. Their stories and experiences weren’t mine, and I did not have to carry their burden or repeat their actions. I further realized, or perhaps confirmed, that I am connected to the Universe and that there is wisdom available to me whenever I open my mind to it.

Another poem, “Visions and Dreams,” was also born that way. In the darkness of my room, waking me up from a sound sleep. In fact, it came first. It brought me so much joy to know that I could still write that way, especially since my brain had been feeling like a stuffy, tightly packed with cotton, making it harder to focus. And with these poems, I began hearing the call of another novel, “Brazilian Haze,” one I had begun writing circa 2018, shortly after the completion of “Nonstop Oslo: A Fan’s Fantasy Tale,”  but got lost in the bustle of life. So, yes, I think the Universe is speaking to me again.

On a different note, it’s fair to say that my connection with my mother has been reestablished after a recently strained relationship as a result of a decline in her mental health. The violence that my mother suffered at the hands of my father when I was a child, as related in a previous post, was still very much alive in her mind. But with my father having passed away decades ago, she had to place the anger somewhere. And that somewhere was me. These feelings “settled” this year, and we were able to talk without her wishing all sorts of calamities on me. Though I still carry feelings of resentment from unresolved and complicated lifelong issues in our mother-daughter relationship, I am now able to view her and her declining mental health with kindness and more compassion in my heart. And though I was vehemently opposed to her life partner’s decision to return to Haiti with her amidst the gang violence and a severely handicapped health system, I must admit that being home in her own environment seems to have done her some good lately, as she has become much calmer following her initial rage and destructive behavior. Her forgetfulness and other decreased cognitive functions seem to have sheltered her from fully measuring the level of danger she might be in. All I can do is pray that God will protect her and spare her, as she is as innocent as a small child. My health has evidently benefited from the settled emotion toward my mother.

Life in Haiti is more dangerous than ever, with the international airport in Port-au-Prince shut down since late 2024, with no commercial flights from US-based airlines, as the FAA deemed it too dangerous to fly into Haitian airspace after gang gunfire struck three different U.S. carriers. The only locally operated airline that used to assure flights from Port-au-Prince to Cap-Haitien, with flights continuing to Miami, has now completely shut down its operations after being hit by gang gunfire. The gangs have now taken over 90% of the capital and have spread their reach to many other regions, putting every single person at risk. One lone controversial figure, the public prosecutor of the town of Miragôane, supported by the local population and the Haitian Diaspora, is doing the work that the Haitian National Police and the so-called Council of Presidents and their government should be doing–combating gangs. However, he is being targeted by human rights organizations and the United Nations for his unconventional methods while doing the job that no one else is willing to do.

In addition to my mom, many of my good friends and old colleagues are still in Haiti.  And many of them have been through it, having their homes ransacked, pillaged, and taken over by bandits.  The worry is constant, and it still impacts my sense of peace. I have, however, stopped feeling guilty about not being there in solidarity with my Haitian brothers and sisters. All I can do now is write about it from afar and process the fear and frustration. I have also decided to pick up my pen again to update my work on a vision document for Haiti, a document whose earlier iterations, over the years, have already been shared with several notables in government, civil society, the private sector, and the media. This revision will take up much space in 2026.

I am still adapting to life in New York, two years after moving here to help care for my grandson, Sacha, who is turning three this year. Then little Sami came along in June, bringing even more sunshine into our lives. Most of my days are spent at home caring for the little ones;  however, I have recently started making friends online, the new way to meet people and grow friendships in today’s world. They bring a diversity of conversations into my life, the adult kind, and for that I am grateful.

My two little munchkins, Sacha and Samir, are spending time at the park.

The wisdom of Lisa Marie Lovett filled my heart this year through her Seasoned-Dialogue posts, which led me to purchase her book, “Let Me Write This Gently, My Baby,” later in the year. It is one of my most precious possessions. The wisdom of Doctor of Theology Zina Jacque and HR & Leadership Expert Ginny Clark has also caught my attention, and I will undoubtedly seek out precious guidance in their works as I navigate the many parts of 2026. Furthermore, Tara Davis, long jumping world champion, and her husband Hunter Woodhall, Paralympic champion, known as The Woodhalls, have made me smile on numerous occasions with their endearing ways and enthusiastic promotion of track & field. One more thing created this feeling of euphoria that I haven’t felt in a very long time: The catchy melody of “The Fate of Ophelia” from Taylor Swift’s new album, The Life of a Showgirl. Don’t judge me. I’m unapologetically a Swiftie through and through. That melody did things to my heart; it inexplicably moved me even before I had made sense of the lyrics. Then I listened to the lyrics, and it is a big love story about her fiancé; the words are playful, poetic, profound, and overflowing with emotion. It made me realize that I am yearning for love. A much cherished relationship has sadly faded away…leaving space for big love in my life in 2026. Be it God’s will.

Two honorable mentions this year before I close this review: “I’m Not What Happened To Me,” a song, or chant, by Good Vibes Tribe that separates the human experience from the human being and reminds us of the power of our choices regardless of our circumstances, and “Na Le,” by Omiki, which I interpret as a cry of the human spirit seeking to go forward no matter the adversity. These are all lessons worth learning as we live this life…

On a final note, the year ended with another wonderful surprise, the best one for the year: my eldest announced that she was pregnant again! So, Grandchild #3 is on its way and will bless our 2026. And in a grand gesture, her boyfriend proposed to her. She accepted, she is happy, and that’s all that matters. Here’s to our growing family!

I will end this, as I did my Life Manifesto, with this quote from Denzel Washington. This is an attitude I hope to live by because I believe in the truth it contains. I may not have fully embraced this in the past, but, in the face of life’s necessary adversities, I do hope to make it my burning torch moving forward:

“Never let yourself be consumed by desperation. Stay calm, even in the most challenging moments. This is just a period of trial, as all great men [and women] before you have faced. Greatness does not arise from emotional chaos or despair but from discipline and strength. Every challenge is an opportunity to grow, to strengthen your character, and to show who you truly are. Face every trial with determination, for it is in these moments that your true self is forged.”

Happy New Year, my friends!